Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.
- Mark Twain
All emotion is involuntary when genuine.
- Mark Twain
I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
- Mark Twain
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
- Mark Twain
It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
- Mark Twain
India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.
- Mark Twain
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
- Mark Twain
Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired.
- Mark Twain
Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
- Mark Twain
She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.
- Mark Twain
It is easier to stay out than get out.
- Mark Twain
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
- Mark Twain
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
- Mark Twain
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
- Mark Twain
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
- Mark Twain
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.
- Mark Twain
The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.
- Mark Twain
What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.
- Mark Twain
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
- Mark Twain
A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
- Mark Twain
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
- Mark Twain
My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.
- Mark Twain
The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.
- Mark Twain
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
- Mark Twain
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
- Mark Twain
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
- Mark Twain
Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
- Mark Twain
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
- Mark Twain
To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
- Mark Twain
If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat.
- Mark Twain
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
- Mark Twain
The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
- Mark Twain
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.
- Mark Twain
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.
- Mark Twain
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
- Mark Twain
The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
- Mark Twain
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
- Mark Twain
Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.
- Mark Twain
To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
- Mark Twain
The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
- Mark Twain
Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.
- Mark Twain
Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.
- Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
- Mark Twain
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
- Mark Twain
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
- Mark Twain
How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before.
- Mark Twain
When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.
- Mark Twain
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
- Mark Twain
The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
- Mark Twain
The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.
- Mark Twain
Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
- Mark Twain
The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.
- Mark Twain
As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
- Mark Twain
What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
- Mark Twain
It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.
- Mark Twain
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
- Mark Twain
Better a broken promise than none at all.
- Mark Twain
Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.
- Mark Twain
All right, then, I'll go to hell.
- Mark Twain
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
- Mark Twain
'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
- Mark Twain
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
- Mark Twain
In 'Huckleberry Finn,' I have drawn Tom Blankenship exactly as he was. He was ignorant, unwashed, insufficiently fed; but he had as good a heart as ever any boy had.
- Mark Twain
Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean.
- Mark Twain
Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
- Mark Twain
Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.
- Mark Twain
Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
- Mark Twain
He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
- Mark Twain
The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.'
- Mark Twain
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
- Mark Twain
We are all alike, on the inside.
- Mark Twain
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
- Mark Twain
There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.
- Mark Twain
We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
- Mark Twain
I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.
- Mark Twain
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
- Mark Twain
Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.
- Mark Twain
Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
- Mark Twain
The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word.
- Mark Twain
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
- Mark Twain
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
- Mark Twain
When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.
- Mark Twain
It put our energies to sleep and made visionaries of us - dreamers and indolent... It is good to begin life poor; it is good to begin life rich - these are wholesome; but to begin it prospectively rich! The man who has not experienced it cannot imagine the curse of it.
- Mark Twain
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
- Mark Twain
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.
- Mark Twain
I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.
- Mark Twain
It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.
- Mark Twain
George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
- Mark Twain
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
- Mark Twain
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- Mark Twain
If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
- Mark Twain
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
- Mark Twain
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
- Mark Twain
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
- Mark Twain
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
- Mark Twain
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
- Mark Twain